my mumbo jumbo & my painful reminder

salam

well this post’d been in draft section far too long now i guess, thus prompting me to publish it.

i’m making this public, so here it goes..

i’ve quitted medical school.

why? failed, yet again , thats ‘why’ for you.

when? about a month before the new term commence.. next?

so, what now? well ….something else…

for some reason i’ve been hiding the knowledge from some friends, even from closest relatives. ashamed? hey, how am i supposed to deny that? have been one dreadful med student for some time now, no secrets among ‘em. they would’ve seen this coming anyway. well i guess the way that so many things remain uncertain right til now that i wouldnt know what to answer should people ask about it. yup, uncertainty , in other words indecisiveness, given my circumstances.

certainty …. a luxury that has been missing in me life  for a while now. my sis (a med student then,a physician now) used to question about my decision to pursue in medicine when i got the offer… “are u sure?”, “never been sure in my entire life”. (sounds cocky i know, trust me, wish i could slap myself back then) in retrospective , i dont know why i said that. the truth is, i’ve NEVER spent a minute in my whole high school days dreaming of folowing my sister’s footsteps. wasnt an exceptional student back then, always have been anyway. so…. yeah i guess the offer was too good to refuse at least for a 17@18-years-old. a full scholarship , andyour parents dont have to spend a penny for your college fees.. and a guarantee for a professional career. well…beats me.

so why apply medicine in first place?. we’re no stranger to a situation where students said they’ve been forced by parents to choose medicine over anything else. yeah, i have my fair share of the circumstances. though ‘forced’ is such a strong word.  ‘influenced’ ,perhaps. dont get the wrong idea. blaming others especially your own parents for how wrong things turned out for you now, is an art i’ve not mastered, nor that i want to. when you stand before Allah and asked why you’ve done all the bad stuff, what are you gonna do? be a narc and tattle on others? i know that wont fly with Him

so what u do when u got into a field of study in which u have other interest best at heart. well if u’re planning on taking advices from me, u do what i couldnt do. u appreciate whatever opportunities presented to you. even  doing things that seem so certain to u that u want it , there’s a mountain to climb in it , and there’s always a point where u actually questioning yourself about the choice you once convincingly made.

so people… what you have just read is a piece of advice  from a failure and a cautionary tale( that’s me folks),

the way i look at it….well, there’s nothing like a first hand experience. at least there’s a bright side to it. hopefully i’ll bounce back strong.

enough said, i hope this particular post would serve as a reminder for myself in the future.wAllahu a3lam

ya muqallibal quluub, tsabbit quluubi 3ala diinik

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~ by kotokkale on December 18, 2009.